She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
4 words: hood of his car
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
