the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
