Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
