if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
