I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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