dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
how does that bad decision feel?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
