omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
