Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
