I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
