you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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