hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
