hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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