U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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