We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
