does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
