Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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