I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
