Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
