'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
