too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
