I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
