she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
