The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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