talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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