And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
