I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
