Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
