highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
