Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
