Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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