watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
