If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
