i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
