On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
too bad you live with your parents still
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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