i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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