he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
