3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
