how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
