He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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