his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
