he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
