Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
