I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
