I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
