i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
