words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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