He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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