he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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