you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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