Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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