Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i now understand why vodka
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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