the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
