if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
