my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
