bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
